Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
whose parrot is this?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
