This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
