im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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