just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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