I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
