At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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