It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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