the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
please come you make the beer taste better
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
