but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
