I just threw up on my dentist
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
