Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
