Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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