3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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