college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
