America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
