i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
