What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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