I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
