I love black thongs
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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