Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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