if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
