I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
