I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
