just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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