i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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