Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
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I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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