toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
