omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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