I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
should my penis look like a turkey
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
