You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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