a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
