I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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