Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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