i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
