When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
