It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
