We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
