Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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