I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
