it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
