I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
