I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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