wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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