Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
