shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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