Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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