On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
