omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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