It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
