i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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