I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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