i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
