i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
