well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You ruined the universe
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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