Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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