Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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