We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
