I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
