rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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