used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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