ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
