So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
