Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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