Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
